Granny Grills

Hip-hop is everywhere.

A few years ago, 3-6-Mafia won an Oscar and the genre got taken to a whole new level. Mary J. Blige is now a household name, thanks to a boost from Oprah Winfrey, telling the whole world on a show that Blige’s #1 hit, “Family Affair” was her favorite jam. There was Oprah - front row, pumping her fist, singing every word.

But you know… funny how lyrics aren’t the only thing in people’s mouths these days.

I was at Macy’s back during the holidays, standing at the guest services counter and these two heavy-set white guys were being helped. They were both dressed in the latest high-end urban gear: sweaters with Sean John scribbled across, big, baggy jeans, and NBA caps cocked to the side, finished off with fresh camel-colored “Timbs”, short for Timberland boots.They were talking to the little old lady behind the counter about doing something with B96.

So, I thought to myself, Hmmm… maybe these are those funny guys from the radio!”

So I asked in a very “homey” kind of way: “Hey man, you guys from B96?”

And the guy closest to me replied “Naw’ll man… but we tryin’ to get up in ‘ner.”

He might have said something else to me, but by this time I was frozen still. I literally stood there for about 3 seconds trying to believe what I was seeing before my very eyes.

Dude was all “grilled out” – the top and bottom rows of his teeth covered in solid silver with diamonds and intricate engravings in each one. I took a startled step back and went into full gag mode:

“Oh! Okay… I see… you’re all grillllled out!” I said, in that universal “I’m hip to what’s going on” kind of way, motioning my hands in a circular motion around my mouth, bopping my head up and down. Sort of diggin’ it.

“It’s cold in the Chi... might as well rock dat’ ice.”

I almost fell out.

And then… just when I thought I’d had enough, the lady behind the counter replied, “Yeah man… he’s all grillllled out…” floating her hand in the air, as if to say, “Yeeaahhh… boyyy!!” like Flavor Flav or something like that.

Absolutely hilarious.

I thought to myself… Oh Lord… I can see it now… some little old lady walking into a jeweler somewhere in Chicago, plopping her dentures onto the counter and asking,”Hey there baby, how much to pimp these out?”

Right????

Right.

Until next time, that’s the cut!